I am such a pack rat…

I swear… half the stuff I own is useless or outdated…

Going through the closet with a severe aversion to anything I haven’t worn lately, ripping outdated notes and read-only-once-and-never-again books off the shelves… by tomorrow afternoon (or this afternoon, as I look at the wee hour on my clock) I’ll be itching for a trip to Ikea…

Yeah.

It was gorgeously sunny today, after weeks and weeks of drone and drudge and drizzle and fog. I’m really excited about the Louisiana/Pittsburgh trip. Going through my closet and hanging up the clothes – I really have two wardrobes. I have my sleek sophisticated suit-things, and my everyday t-shirt/jeans style collection. I am a dichotomy – I am turning into the groomed polished type, but I still have my muddy aggie roots. When I hold my green glib jacket, I can feel the pull of DC and presentations and conferences… but when I yank on a t-shirt and jeans I’m still that girl who chased rabbits around the backyard.

And then there’s the Patagonia wardrobe – new shirts and layers show up every few months as Mom hits the puppy sales (sample mockups and slightly irregular items, for you layfolk) and they remind me that I was once a super sporty type. Looking at my lifestyle now you wouldn’t believe that I was once a star on the local swim team, or the fastest female sprinter in 5th grade… Meg and I used to spend every summer in the pool and racing around the backyard, I’d be on Chip riding the trails several afternoons a week, I would run everywhere simply because I could.

I’ve still got that innate sportiness, I just don’t have an outlet for it right now. I’ve become lazy – it’s raining today, I don’t want to ride my bike, I think I’ll take the bus instead. Inferiority complex doesn’t help much – I never got proper coaching for the running, I don’t swim much in the winter and lately haven’t had access to it in summer – so I convince myself that I can’t do it safely or well enough and besides they’ll all think I’m weird ’cause I don’t know the same technique they do.

Sometimes I feel like it’s something I can physically tear away. Cleaning my room is cleaning my life, when I wake up tomorrow I’ll be rarin’ to go and I’ll run around the apartment complex or the lake next door, I’ll get my papers done a day ahead of time and I won’t leave it all till the last minute.

But somehow I always end up sleeping in.

*grins*

So tonight I cleaned the closet and the shelves. Tomorrow I clean the desk and the craft collection. Each time I do this it gets a little more organized for the next round.

So I’m excited. Wired. February starts on Tuesday and I don’t think it’ll blindside me this year. I’m ready.

Coincidentally, class schedules and pass times are made public on Monday. I get to plan my Spring 05 schedule and start looking ahead to my next stage. They released the enrollment packet for Ireland to me last night – now to refresh my passport and fill out a ream of paperwork.

I’m getting paid to try out this 4-H career – the YIG initiative is exactly what I’d have designed for myself, and lo! Here it appears on my desk, waiting for me to jump in and get my grasp on this program that’s taken hold of me. I wonder if my life now would have surprised anyone from that first year or two in 4-H. Probably. More and more I’m thinking that the internship-thing at the 4-H Center in Chevy Chase is where I’d love to be, fresh out of UCD. In the thick of it. From there… who knows? But tonight I’m thinking that’s where I want to start.

*feeling good*

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~ by jackelopette on January 30, 2005.

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